As we stare down the barrel of a loaded presidency, many people face these coming years with a growing sense of impending doom.
And honestly, that’s a fair reaction. I mean, holy shit, was the mediocre western actor who tanked the economy in the 80s not lesson enough that celebrities should not be politicians?
But I digress. People are worried about what the next four years may bring from our incoming President. But to these people, I humbly propose, that this is pessimistic thinking, and we should look at the situation with optimism.
First off, we’re assuming he’ll last the whole term. Four years is a long time, and a lot can happen in that time. I’m not wishing ill on him, I’m just saying, he’s not exactly young, and even if his age doesn’t factor in, a lot of other things could happen.
If consensual oral sex in the office is grounds for impeachment, then surely someone with the temper of a three year old is bound to step out of line sooner or later.
He also seems to be made primarily of copper, so excessive exposure to the elements due to public appearances could cause him to oxidize, forcing him to resign to focus on treatment for his patina.
Or he could just get bored with the job. I mean really, how long will it likely take him to use his position to secure international business relations that benefit his family and sell off any usable assets to our enemies, effectively gutting and flipping our nation, until there’s nothing worthwhile left?
Okay, that part was less comforting. My bad.
But look at it this way: what he’s done here is really pretty inspiring. Against all odds, or even common sense, and with absolutely no qualifications, experience, or talent, he rose to achieve the highest level of success our nation has to offer. He’s kind of like Rudy, if Rudy was a big, angry carrot with his tiny hands on a bunch of nuclear weapons.
So really, if a politically illiterate real estate mogul-turn-TV host can rise to become the most powerful man in the world, then any average Joe with drive, a dream, and several million dollars of his daddy’s start-up money can do it! Believe in yourself!
If nothing else, at least this will make a good story for our grandchildren (assuming we survive to have them) of how we survived the beginning of the Apocalypse.
And if it all truly goes to Hell, there’s always time travel.
So let’s give our new Pre-hurr… sorry, little dry heave… our new President a chance. After all, he hasn’t gotten us all killed yet!
-That Political Bitch
That Bitch! 